Dating 101: Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig

Nothing is more upsetting than when a dude you know is into you pulls the plug. One man gets to the bottom of out-of-the-blue breakups.

By Cosmopolitan

The Timing Is Off

Chances are, you've had at least one breakup that left you wondering, "What just happened?" The guy dug you, you dug him, and the whole thing felt destined for a fabulous future -- at least the foreseeable one. Then, out of nowhere, he bailed on the relationship. So what went wrong? The sad dating truth is, maybe nothing. Here are five completely ridiculous reasons guys kick you to the curb. Warning: For the most part, it ain't pretty.Single women get serious when they meet the right man. Single men get serious with whomever we happen to be dating when we're finally ready to settle down. That means after every other aspect of our life is in order -- whether it's finishing grad school, finally pulling down a good-size paycheck, owning a car outright -- or when our friends start dropping like flies (that's guyspeak for getting married).

Decode His Body Language

But if you catch a guy before he hits that magical stage of his life, then he's liable to bolt -- like Patrick, 28, who dumped Bridgett after two years, then got engaged to the next girl he dated after only 10 months. "When I was with Bridgett, all of my friends were single and I was still an intern with nothing going on in my career. So every time she'd bring up our future together, it felt like she was jumping the gun," he says. "I didn't break up with her because she was wrong for me. I ended it because I didn't want to commit to anyone right then. But by the time I met Elizabeth, I was in a settling-down frame of mind."

We're Not Finished Playing the Field

Single men are natural-born one-uppers. If there's a possibility of upgrading what we already have for something better (that'll make our friends drool), we say, bring it on! So we wind up always wondering if you're really as good as it gets. (I know, scumbag mentality.) "Whenever I meet a new attractive woman, I consider what it would be like to date her, even if I have a girlfriend at the time," says Andy, 30. "The grass is always greener. No matter how great his current girl is, a guy doesn't want to feel like he's missing out."
In addition to our opportunistic tendencies, most guys feel compelled to put as many relationship conquests under their belts as possible. "I admit it -- I know the exact number of girls I've dated, no mental calculation required," says Dan, 29. "That's how aware I am of how many notches I have. And I'd never commit until I felt like I'd experienced enough different women." Every guy's definition of enough is different, so there's a chance he wrote you off just because you didn't come late enough on his own personal hit list. The moral of the story: Until we grow up, mark everything off our checklists or have too many friends convince us that we can't do better than you, the flight risk is real.

We're Fixated on the Worst-Case Scenario

From the times you chastise us for leaving a wet towel on the bed to those nights you rip through a pint of fudge ripple without stopping to breathe, we file each incident in a mental folder labeled "Evidence She'll Change for the Worse." We flip through that file whenever we're trying to decide if we want to hang on to the relationship. Blame our married friends who took the plunge before us, but many single men are hyperaware of what could go wrong down the road. Even if we're crazy about you now, we panic that you'll pack on the pounds and nag us day and night.
So we secretly flag certain things that might be a harbinger of bad things to come. "I've seen it happen to too many of my friends," says Elliot, 29. "All they do is complain about how the romance takes a total nosedive after they get serious with a girl. So sometimes, even if the woman I'm dating is gorgeous, I freak out and bail."

We're in Like, Not in Love

It's harsh but true. In fact, it's probably the most common reason we bolt. Just because a guy likes you a lot isn't a guarantee that it will evolve into love. And we're surprisingly intuitive when it comes to figuring out a girl's potential on this front. "I stayed with one woman for two years because we had fun together and she never pushed the issue, but I knew the minute I met her that she wasn't The One," says David, 30.
So why do we invest any time in a relationship that we know will ultimately end? Because we're able to live in the moment for a while and chalk it up to a good experience. But once you show that you're way more into us than we are into you, we'll dump you out of guilt. "I dated this girl for about a year, but as soon as she started using the L word, I had to end it," recalls Jay, 29. "It was hard. I cared about her and didn't want to hurt her. But I knew that if I stuck around, she'd have been happier at first but miserable later on. After all, she deserved to be with someone who loved her as much as she loved me."

We're Too into You

Just when you thought it was all bad news, here's a hard-to-fess-up admission: Guys are protective of their emotions. Translation: We're scared of being hurt. So, if we start to feel like we're getting into a situation where we'll be destroyed if you dump us, we might launch a preemptive strike and yank the plug first. For Gary, 27, showing his girlfriend of two years the exit felt like the only choice. "She was the first girl I was serious with, and I didn't like letting someone have that much power over me. I was starting to feel emotionally needy, and that was uncomfortable for me," he recalls. "So I ditched her to save myself!"
Sounds crazy, but cut us some slack. Think about how vulnerable and paranoid you feel when you're nuts about a guy, and realize that we go through the same thing with girls we really like. But our friends aren't as good at helping us get over an ex as yours are, plus being openly heartbroken makes us look like wusses. Nope, it's better to act like a winner before you turn us into a loser, which is when our natural self-preservation may come into play. Before the real humiliation and pain assail us like a plague, ending the relationship seems like a good option.

Awww...

6 months of love, baby!

I love how he manages to surprise me. I remember the first time he gave me flowers, it was so unexpected that I was simply floored. He personally delivered the bouquet before my class started and we ended up snogging just off the elevators, in full view of passersby. (Yep, so high school! Hee hee!)

Hooray EK!!

I haven't been to this place for the longest time so when Oliver told me that their site will have their planning session (?) thingy here and asked me if I wanted to come, I immediately said yes. Woohoo!

Presenting... ang siga ng EK


















Huh? Amazing Race?





















Then it rained... hard.

Here we are drying our toes that are in desperate need of pedicures. Yuckie... hehehe!

Food, food, food

Our third date was an unforgettable picnic at the UP grounds. I wasn’t planning on going out that Saturday, I just wanted to stay home and try out the recipes I’ve been learning in cooking school. But then Oliver asked me out and I wanted a guinea pig who’ll sample my cooking aside from my biased family.

The date started out a disaster as we didn’t have any utensils and water. And we only realized this after walking blocks looking for a good spot to eat and I started feeling thirsty. Famished and sweating, we retraced our steps to buy water and dessert and ended up having our picnic inside the car. Even with all our bloopers that evening we still had an amazing time talking and laughing til the wee hours. I remember I made some pandan chicken, sweet and sour pork and kao pad (thai fried rice). We even had a deal then; he also had to bring something he cooked, so he made me some scrambled eggs. How very manly. Hehehe!

I guess that started it. Now whenever we’d hang out at home he expects me to whip up a feast. He actually looks forward to it and gets all excited over the stuff I’m going to make. So that’s exactly what I did during the long weekend. I made him some kao pad (now a favourite) and vietnamese fried chicken last Sunday. Then I made kebabs, saffron rice and caesar salad last night before he left for the states. Yum yum!

I guess it’s true what they say -- the way to a man’s heart is through his tummy. Well true with my Oliver at least. Hehehe! Dabbling in the kitchen can be exhausting at times especially to lil miss lazy, but I love it. I just love cooking for people I love. Now I can’t wait for Monday when he comes back from his trip. Hmmm... wonder what I’ll make then.

8-8-08

“Ma’am, congratulations! Your visa has been approved and you may pick-up your passport here in our office.” The girl on the other line said.

Christ, I’ve been dreading this call for months. We’ve talked about it and knew this was inevitable but I still can’t help but worry. I’ve become a worry wart. I’m not a big fan of long distance relationships and neither is he. But we're still giving it a go.

Hmmm great timing... Auspicious? Hell yeah!